So since I have gotten back from vacation, I have tried to get ready as best as I can for what’s ahead of me. I’ve “hair” shopped and ordered my wigs. Claimed back a dog bed I spent too much on from Duke that he NEVER would use anyway. Not once! I used to be mad at him for that. My cancer book says I’ll need it for lying in the bathroom floor after chemo. I’ve talked to Brayden about what’s coming and how Mommy isn’t going to have any hair. Been to countless doctor visits, and gotten all of my ducks in a row at work. I’ve also learned that for the first time in my life I am going to have to get comfortable with accepting help from others. I’ve always been willing to give help, but never been comfortable receiving any for myself. 10-4 God, I got it this time. Wish I learned things easier ways….
I’ve also been completely surprised by the unbelievable outpouring of love from almost everyone I know. I am soooo blessed. I had no idea how many people loved me. Thank you all for everything. I couldn’t have better friends or work with better people. The strangest part to me is the unbelievable kindness of strangers and how many incredible blessings are buried in the biggest battle I’ve faced. Some of the most important moments in getting through the last few weeks have come from people that I don’t even know. Friends of friends, perfect strangers, people I have passed in the hall for 4 years at work but didn’t know, and other women I still don’t who’ve walked this path.
It’s incredible how it all seems to be coming together. I’ve taken hold of the details and relinquished everything else. I feel certain about the final outcome, but terrified of what it’s going to take to get there. I’m staying focused on James 1:2-4. In the midst of it all, there really IS joy. I’m also saying “Thank You” a lot. Try it. Say it to EVERYONE for EVERYTHING…real, heart-felt Thank you’s. They have amazing power. They also freak some people out a little. Do it anyway.
Friday, July 31, 2009
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2 comments:
When I read the part about Duke's bed... I just crumbled inside. It really hurts to think about that part of it... but then I think, this too shall pass...
When my brother died, I was only 16, but I remember the people who came up and talked to me at the wake... I was almost hurt by it--because in "real life," you know, day-to-day life, these people would never talk to me or spend time with me. In the face of adversity or change, though, you learn how important you are to people.
I hope you never forget that--you're really important to all of us, and you're never alone.
Did you crumble because I stole the dog's bed or because I would be using it on the bathroom floor? If it's the first...he never used it!!! If it's the last, I've had years of lying on the bathroom floor experience when I was a young, wild, drinking, idiot. Im sure it will come back to me like riding a bike...
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