Halftime

Well, I celebrated my 40th birthday yesterday. It was not what I expected it to be this summer when I was planning to have a 40th girls weekend somewhere. That was before the whole cancer mess. It's funny how we plan things and they never seem to turn out like we thought. I have waited with anticipation for things that were quite the letdown. And, I have had an enjoyable experience at more than one thing I wasn't looking forward to attending. Besides, we're going to have that weekend at a later date, and we'll have much more to celebrate than just a birthday.

I did have a wonderful dinner with some great ladies on Wednesday night to celebrate. What a delightful surprise it was to see friends that I haven't seen in ages and enjoy a fabulous meal. I even got to go to the Stars game this weekend. Then, we had a wonderful birthday lunch yesterday with the family. So, as far as birthdays go, it was a good one by any standard...with a little chemo thrown in for giggles.

You just never know what's around the corner. And as much as that sounds scary, it's also what makes life great. So, Sunday was my birthday, but Friday was the event. Friday I had my third round of chemo. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I'm halfway there! Of course there's a bunch more other treatments and another surgery to follow, but for the hardest part, it's halftime.

Time to regroup, get ready, and prepare for the second half. Things have gone pretty well so far. I tolerated the first three rounds much better than I thought I would. I haven't been sick once. So, the drugs that they have given me for the nausea are everything they promised they would be. For that I am SO thankful. I have also gotten a grip on the awful hormonal changes that were plaguing me.

I still have broken ovaries, but I'm not half insane with the trauma like I was before. I spoke with my doctor about it and there's no reason to think that I don't have a fair chance of things returning to normal once the chemo is over. So like my birthday, why would I be planning for a lifetime of something I can't predict? Thanks to all of you who've called or written because you were worried about me after my last post. And for all of the prayers, I am so thankful.

I was not dealing well and I know some of you were worried about me. I really meant to get back on here and post what was going on, but just haven't been able. I have been consumed with things at work and just too beat when I get home to get on the computer. The one thing that I hadn't quite anticipated was the exhaustion. They warned me about it and told me that it would be cumulative. They were right.

I went to get my Neulasta shot today before work. I was already tired before I even got out of bed, but I wasn't feeling too bad. So, I went in for my shot and then went on to work. I've been taking the Advil in the hopes of not having the terrible side effects that I did last time. We will see...So, the full effect of it all remains to be seen. Even so, I didn't make it through work today. I had to come home early and crawl into bed. It was just too much. I'm trying to not push myself, but I do. I don't really know how to do anything else. I wasn't expecting that I wouldn't make it, even though that's what they told me would happen. I always think that I can do more, like I'm proving something...

Anyway, Friday I decided to write down all of the medications that I was getting. See, it's not just the chemo. I actually get 2 chemos and 2 additional "designer" cancer drugs. But before that, they have to give you all of the other drugs that make it possible for you to tolerate those. There's 5 of those. Now, that doesn't count the ones that I have to take everyday anyway. There's 3 of those...plus the pre-chemo steroids, and the ones that you take afterwards to control the nausea and to sleep since the "roids" make that nearly impossible. The human body is quite the creation. It's amazing what we can withstand. I figured out that the number was 16. Sixteen drugs. No exaggeration. Good things that's only once every three weeks.

So, I guess I should cut myself some slack for missing a couple hours of work. It's bound to happen. And with a drug load like that, how could my body NOT have fatigue? That's the part that I am having to learn to live with. So if I don't return a phone call or forget to email you back, please forgive me. I literally just don't have the energy to remember. But I haven't forgotten that this is all temporary. I haven't forgotten that I am blessed, loved and forgiven. And, I'm trying to remember that I am human. So, I won't always have what it takes to push through. I am, however, gearing up for the second half. Because with support of my family, the prayers of my friends, and the grace of God I will make it through victoriously. I am counting on it, and I'm halfway there.